"When Friends Go Bad" ~ A Worthless Tale of Drama

Meet "TIM" (an acronym for Telephonically Indigent Man)

I've known Tim for a while and he has done this "thing" on more then one occasion. I'm on the last leg of a three month journey to prepare for the motorcycle season. In this final week, I've been getting little if no sleep for several days. I'm exhausted and Tim knows this. I'm in the middle of a last minute project before my trip to Indianapolis and moving too fast for drama. I had a client over working on a last minute project before I left town and I was out of the house for a few minutes when this story begins. It's late in the evening and the phone rings.

To get to the meat of it, Tim seems to feel that if a phone rings, it must picked up. I'm sure he feels that when a tree falls in the woods, he must be there to hear it fall. I'm sure Tim probably spends hours every night trying to see if the refrigerator light stays on when he closes the door. You see, in Tim's world, if he get's the answering machine, I must not be home. So that means he can keep calling. Now, I have an answering machine at home and it would have been just fine to leave a message. But as usual, that's not enough for Tim. It's more important to call 15 times until someone picks up. What if I had been in the shower? What if by chance I was napping? Do you have any idea how annoying 15 phone calls are?

The interesting thing about Tim is that if I don't pick up the call from his home phone, he goes to a phone booth across the street to place his calls. (By the way, this will be a topic in my new book "Kink 101": Making friends with third world countries.) Perhaps it's because I put a call blocking feature on his previous number at one time. Talking to Tim is never the problem. It's the incessant behavior of dozens of call attempts to reach me that set me off. Call once. Leave a message. Don't abuse the phone.

Later reports from Tim say that the answering machine never picked up. WOW! I never knew I had an answering machine that was specifically programmed to prevent Tim from leaving a message! What a find! I currently have a laboratory in Dallas developing this technology so I can patent it. I later Told Tim that I also had a cell phone, and of course, he said he called that, too. Well, duh! I knew that already. Why didn't you leave a message on the cell phone? What about my work number? You could leave a message there, too!

Yeah, after reading this, one might wonder why Tim fears I would block his calls. Just look at this chat below. And — if you think this isn't annoying enough, why don't you have date at home one night when this happens. Maybe you're out with your niece for a day and your phone vibrates for 2 hours in the movie. Maybe you're working late at the office and someone abuses the unspoken sanctity and respect that comes with owning a cell phone... What-the fuck-ever. Look at this chart and then play with the audio box above so you can hear how fucking annoying it is.

After all was said and done, apparently it was absolutely critical that Tim reached me verbally. I was completely unaware of the severity of the issue... he just wanted me to know he was changing his email address. How fucking insensitive of me.

UPDATE 2007:
Since this article was posted, this "phone thing" happened on many occasions since. I guess I'm far too patient. I let most of it slide, trying to be calm about it. But - Tim seems to think he knows everything. He seems to think he knows what's really happening in my life. I started receiving accusatory emails, specifically related to my efforts on KidRacer-X. Excuse me, but there's not a single person out there other than me who knows what's happening in my life or on KidRacer-X. Tim has absolutely no fucking clue what I'm working on, when I'm working on it, or how the work I create manifests itself.

So Tim, feeling all full of himself and his great knowledge and insight that traverses from his home to mine, looks into my living room, and feeds facts and imagery back into his mind, decided now would be a good time to resolve the tension through almost 100 emails and DOZENS of phone calls. (No, not "a" dozen. I mean DOZENS!) All phone calls have been ignored and all emails have been ignored. I made a couple exceptions with emails to tell Tim so stop writing and stop calling and that he needs to stop harrassing me. I wanted to be sure my point was clear. When asked to stop, he literally wrote "I'll try." I've been respectful of Tim's identity, but this is getting uglier every day.

I guess I'm missing something. When you keep kicking a puppy and it keeps coming back, I guess it's time to take it to the pound. Unfortunately for Tim, he was warned multiple times over a four year period to NEVER repeat that 4th grade phone call behavior. And so, with that, Tim is booted forever. It's somewhat sad, but it's self-induced on his part. What I share here is just a couple of incidents compared to the repeated behavior pattern over years.

How much should a person put up with? Why should I feel like a prisoner in my own home, afraid of the phone and my emails? How should this behavior make me feel a closer sense of friendship?

I know "Tim" will read this and just so we're clear, "Tim", I'm not interested in how you feel or what you think. Your entire behavior up to this point has been "all about you". It's all about how you feel. You never considered the aggravation, stress, and annoyance you caused me, my date, or my niece. You never considered what I asked. It's been all about how you feel and your need to connect with me when I simply don't care anymore. You burned the bridge. You are not special or entitled. Nor am I. I gave you time, support, a computer, money, aid for your motorcycle, and most of all ~ respect. In turn, I get stalked.

You think there's something to resolve and I am telling you there is nothing to resolve. Again, trying to "resolve" something only serves your needs, not mine, not "ours". Every call and every email just further angers me and clarifies my decision to part ways with you. I can't understand the psychology in pursuing someone who doesn't want you; in any capacity, be it friend or lover. Face it, you won't get clarity because even if I talk to you — you just don't "get it."

Go away. I don't want any emails from you in response to this. Like I said, I've haven't shared your identity with anyone. Nobody knows who you are except you (unless you've been shooting your mouth off). I won't be enlightened or feel better with some apology or sudden revelation on your part. I don't care that you blamed me for "whatever" in all of your emails. Of course you think it's my fault. You made that point clear. You're perfect and share no repsonsibility for your life and your actions. That was also obvious in your emails.

Our lives have consequences for our actions. This was the straw that broke the camel's back and I'm claiming my life back.

Don't act surprised and annoyed with me because I did what I told you I would.

Fool me once, shame on me, fool me 124 times, shame on you.

You had something good and lost it.

Take a lesson from this and apply it to your future psychotic friendships.

Tim, do not call me. Do not write me.

I'm claiming my life back.